Kindness.

Today, was my first day of "kindness" This is really my way of controlling my self so that the people around me won't get butthurt. And to teach a few individuals a lesson. I also realized that in order to make people that I would like to be happy, I need to be happy. I need to stop being angry at everyone for every thing. Today has only been day one, but it has been quite the challenge.

1. I went to work an hour earlier, so that I could take my roommate/"best friend's" boyfriend to work with me. I would feel awful that he would have to wake up two hours before hand, and bike to work in the wet, cold atmosphere. So I sacrificed an hour since he has sacrificed many before.

2. The said biker-co-worker-best-friend's-boyfriend also was being forced, by his girlfriend, to go to an event at my university, which is mainly aimed toward females, but males were welcome. I agreed that he wouldn't like it, and frankly, I don't know if I would too. But I agreed to take his place, to spare him, and his view on the main subject.

3. As much as I despise the Hallmark holiday coming up, I decided I would play along and partake, only because my boyfriend really wants to. So, I bought lip stain, agreed to paint my nails another color besides black, and made him a gift. Even if we don't go anywhere this weekend, I know he will be smitten and happy, and that's all that matters.

4. I went to church for the first time in forever, and noticed that they changed the prayers. Oops. It's really been that long. I went so my mother can be at peace with me, and that's always a must. I really listened, and agreed with every word I heard. Someone asked me today what I would give up for Lent. I told them, like the past few years before, nothing. I do something each year to make me a better person as a whole. Last year, was keeping my room, primarily my floor, clean. I am now a cleaner person, but my room still needs a little work. It's a work in progress. This year, I need to stop being hateful. The person who asked me gave me this look, like, "you're cheating." But how can you judge my faith and practices, when you can't relate? I then proceeded to tell her that Lent isn't about giving up sweets, Facebook, etc. It's about repenting, and becoming a better person. If you give up sweets, soda, whatever (which I have done), you always go back. Always. Lent is just another excuse for people to make a goal that they don't achieve. 40 days is nothing. If you make a habit of something to make yourself a better person, then you have fulfilled my definition of Lent. I don't force it on anyone, but that's what I believe. She tried to agree with me, but in her head I know she thinks it's super lame. Then I proceeded to tell her that I only became hateful because of her, and she denied it. Some day people will be able to handle the cold hard truth. She also found out that even if her Facebook is deactivated, I can still block her. She used to only reactivate it to laugh at how "gay" my boyfriend and I are. This made me upset, because we dont' do anything on Facebook, he is just a cheeseball sometimes and I just like his posts for his sanity. We work together tomorrow, so God so help me with my patience and my sassy mouth.

5. We had to take an online test today for one of my classes. I haven't taken/submitted mine yet, but I helped my other roommate with hers, since she misses classes a lot, just because. She frustrated me to no end, but I stayed patient with her through the end. Longest hour and 15 minutes of my life. But I know it made her happy nevertheless.

And so, I will kill all my haters with kindness, and continue on my journey to find my inner peace. It's about time I start to think about myself first, instead of being at the feet of others, waiting for my next command. I call my first official day a success, considering the broiling thoughts that were going on in my head.