2013.

odd numbered year probably equals an odd year, but then again, when isn't my life odd?

Here are some resolutions that I plan on doing that I probably won't accomplish. Yay for setting high goals, only to achieve less than half. That's life, you know.

• Exercise. Yes, this may be a shock to those of you who know me. I try my hardest to not have to do exercise. I don't like it. It's a waste of time for me, and there are other things to be doing, eating, etc. But, although I have a small figure, I am extremely out of shape. I need to be in shape if I want that federal "in the field" job. So, I will start with walks, and see where it takes me.
• I'm going to play music more. Whether it be my guitar or a piano, I'm going to play it.
• This is going to be strange, but the minimalist in me is strong right now, but I want to expunge my closet and start a new. I've spent about 3 years of my life buying different styles of clothes trying to decide what style I want. To be honest, I still don't know. But I know that my life would be easier if I had everything in black, white, gray, some tans/browns, and denim. That's it. I don't need too much color, I really don't now, but I'm going to make it simple. I mean, walking around in black on black, but in really cute styles, not just a t shirt and jeans. Does that make sense to anyone? I don't know what's come over me, but that's what I want. 
• Eat healthier, and cook more. This list is starting to look like my list from last year.
• Read more books. Start a serious collection.
• Save up at least $5000 for a down payment on a car that isn't a POS.

I can't really think of any, but those seem to be the big ones.

2012 in a nutshell.

I'm sitting in my room, drinking a jack and coke, alone, listening to city and colour, while my roommate is with her boyfriend. Kind of similar to last year's festivities. Any ways, I'm going to take this opportunity to review this year, because I'm bored as fuck.

• 2012 was the year where I tried new things. I'm not really going to delve into detail, but I made a full 180 from 2011. 
• This year, I went to my first concert, Bon Iver. I also went to my first music festival, Lollapalooza ( I should post part 2 eek). I also went to Taking Back Sunday.
• I took more school than I ever have before, and nearly killed myself. 
• I got a new style of glasses, and I also developed a new clothing style as well.
• I've seen more movies than I ever have, but mostly because I don't usually watch movies.
• I know how to drive a little more than my hometown. I'm what some would call a well seasoned driver.
• I went on a vacation. With my friends. This has never happened. It was costly, but totally worth it. I love Chicago and St. Louis.
• I've worked more than I ever have as well. I just noticed I upped my hours for next semester, so I'm a workaholic.
• I've discovered more music that isn't so...angry.
• I found myself a guy who isn't lamesauce, who loves me, and tolerates my craziness.
• I've become a more proficient blogger.
• I've read more books.
• I joined the iphone cult.
• I've made some new friends, and lost a few. I guess I'm only a capacity.

I've learned that in order to get what I want, I need to be patient, and it will eventually come my way. I also learned that I'm good at customer service, but I hate people. I've also learned not to give a flying fuck about anything or anyone and life moves on much much easier.

Murry Chrsms.

Well, Merry Christmas.

Let's just get this over with.

What a week I've had. I was so close to getting the grades I wanted, but didn't. I've accepted them, and have since moved on. I'm not done with Christmas shopping, and I don't know what to get a few people in my family. I'm kind of over the holidays. Call me a grinch, but I just want everything to be back to normal, without all this holiday hooplah. I'm kind of delirious because I'm hungry, but it's too late to eat, AND I don't have work until 10 a.m., so I'm gonna stay up late.But anyways, I had four days to spend with my boy, and oh goodness it was an adventure. Let's just get this over with.

By that, I mean the thing I have been dreading since I even thought about dating in high school. Meeting the parents. Mhmm, that's right. That's what I did during my Saturday afternoon. A few days before, I had told my parents that they were meeting him. They seem willing, but more curious. Let it be known that my parents are two of the most judgemental people you will ever meet. To anyone who knows my sweet, sweet mother, you don't know her. Behind closed doors, she is nothing compared to the smiling woman at the front. Moving on.

I freaked out, more than him, because
1. I had never done this before, or had gone through with something like this.
2. I was and still are not too close to my parents, and as a child, I wanted them out of my social life as much as possible.
3. I know my parents act different in front of people.
4. They are extremely conservative, and I am a liberal.
So, he dressed overly nice, in an argyle sweater, with a collared shirt underneath. (I hate argyle.) I told him what to wear, and he didn't. Because listening to me is just so hard. (okay side story, I told him I wanted to drink, and to get a coke, since he had liquor in his house, and he came out with beer, which I cannot drink. EARS, use them please.)I brought cupcakes, which I did not eat for various reasons, mainly because I am sick of them. They talked a little while I just sat in the middle in silence. My mom kept saying embarrassing things about me, and she kept giving me those looks. You know, those looks that say "I'm on to you, don't you try to hide something from me." It was scary. She kept asking him questions I knew he had to lie to, which made him uncomfortable. We both knew if that if my parents knew that he wasn't a devout catholic, and that he stayed the night (It's possible to not have sex when this happens okay, hold your horses), they would not approve. Anyways, it went well, according to them. I just wanted it to be over.

Next, my dad. Oh, my lovable father, who I am in denial that he is a compulsive liar. I love him, but we don't necessarily get along. I mean, it's hard to when someone calls you stupid for voting for one candidate, while he believes that the other candidate has said some spoken word or some shit. Anyways. He wan't even there when we got there, I don't know why I expected him to actually be on time, and you know, care. The house was a mess, with toys everywhere. I'm just thankful my brother decided to not be in his boxers all day, and he put on clothes. We sat in the living room, and played with my two year old brother, since all my other siblings were too shy. I also brought cupcakes, but everyone just avoided me like the plague. Anyways, eventually my dad came back, and he just asked those questions, that pretty much say "you're not good enough. I'm going to get real nosy, you better answer them right, or i'll judge the shit out of you." Well, he answered them well, and thank the good Lord my siblings were there to distract me. I basically just loved on my brother, and played games on the iPad with him. Then it got awkward because literally while I was speaking he just got up and left. He didn't even listen to a word I said to him. So he played with my brother some more, which made my brother so happy, that someone was playing with him. It was also super cute, and I died a little. Eventually, I made an excuse to leave, since I hadn't eaten all day and it was 5 p.m. I felt relived, less stressed, and I was instantly in a better mood, after I ate some Cane's.

The next day we went to the museum that's super close to his university, and we saw some pretty cool things, and I learned a lot about my boring old state that I never before. I also returned my textbooks, and I'm starting to expunge my room of unnecessary items. He also fixed my guitar amp, so I can hold off on buying a new one. I am just so happy with life right now. And hungry, my god I am always so hungry these days.

Not so Christmas Playlist.

I have taken 5 finals so far, and I have one left for tomorrow. Am I studying? I should be. But anyways. I've decided, in light of my new iTunes, and how iCloud totally destroyed my perfected library, I'm going to post some things I have been listening to lately. Most of it's old, since I usually just stick to the same stuff until I find something I love. And by few, I mean whole albums, with a few singles. I feel like people are already judging me, because isn't this the time of year I should be posting about my favorite version of Deck the Halls? Or about how Mariah Carey's infamous Christmas song reminds me every year that she does in fact still exist. You have to forgive me, I work in a retail store, where each year, the music just gets worse and worse, and becomes the bane of my existence. I still love the holidays, but the music? eh.

Albums
1. Kanye Presents G.O.O.D Music Cruel Summer - Various Artist (Kanye West)
2. Two Conversations - Appleseed Cast
3. Deja Entendu - Brand New (This is my most played album on my whole iTunes.)
4. All of a Sudden, I Miss Everyone - Explosions in the Sky
5. Hurry Up, We're Dreaming - M83
6. Babel - Mumford and Sons
7. Gossamer - Passion Pit

Songs
1. Hello, I'm in Delaware - City and Colour
2. Montezuma - Fleet Foxes
3. What's It Feel Like to Be a Ghost - Taking Back Sunday
4. Ronan - Taylor Swift (Don't judge me, this is actually the song that gives all her credibility back, in my opinion)
5. Hey Thanks - The Wonder Years

I've been playing these songs to get me out of bed to go to work, class, and even when I study. Now that I look at my playlists, I listen to a vast array of music. Interesting.

Finals week.

It's finals week, and cheers to the worst semester of my college career. I took on way too much than I could handle, and I will probably not have a year like I did last year. My sophomore year I cruised through school with excellent grades, with little or no effort. But this year, I put in my all, and I'm barely making the grades I need, let alone want. I need to basically make a 100 on all my finals, but seeing how I made a 65 on my first one today, that's not happening. I guess I would do better if I wasn't constantly on Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, or even here. I have more Tumblrs than necessary, but I can't help it. I just went and deleted like three of them. Anyways. I can't wait for these next few years to fly by, so that I can graduate already, start graduate school, and start a new chapter of my life. Because now I feel like my life is like a book series that went on to book 5 or 7 when it should've ended three books ago, and now to egg it on more, they are making a movie of my life, in two parts so people can watch it suffer in it's shameless fame. I just need something new. New job, new car, new friends, new everything.

The weather is quite cold now, but I still refuse to pull out my winter coat. Why? Because I don't like bulky things, and my winter coat can be quite bulky. So today, when it was 21 degrees outside, I opted with a zip up hoodie and a scarf. No regrets.

The one thing I like about winter though is the various drinks I can drink. I am craving to go to this cute tea place across from work and study and drink a caramel macchiato in one of their booths, but I don't like going alone, and I need to save money. So, here I am. upstairs in my cave, in a soft pullover and sweatpants. 

I got my ears pierced a few days ago, I know I'm like 10 years too late, but whatevs. I finally got them pierced on the third venture. The first one, I went to Claire's with a friend, and noticed something. Number one, I am not 10, so I will not succumb to that jewelry. Number two. They use a gun, and even though the needle is sterilized, the residue in the gun isn't. So essentially so many people's blood passes through your ears, oh but on a clean needle, so no worries. No thank you. The second time, I drove all the way out into the city, and didn't have my license. Drove back. Couldn't find it. Drove to work. Couldn't find the little bastard. I gave up, and went home, and found the fucker under some clothes in my laundry. I was so mad at myself I couldn't even handle it. I had left my boyfriend's early on my day off so I could get my ears pierced, and I basically wasted a Sunday. Alone. The third try, I finally got it.

I went to a place downtown where I used to live - a place where my mother never to go again, but hey, she wasn't around and I pay my bills, so I went with my friend. I paid way too much for this simple task, but it was better than Walmart or Claire's. I was so desperate for a discount, they made me check in on Facebook so I could save a few bucks. What a scam. I would've deleted it afterwards, but 20 people had liked it, so I figured, why not, that's the most I've gotten on anything. One day, if I haven't gotten a federal job yet, I'm going to go and get my ears stretched. Just a little. But until then, I'm going to go on Etsy in a month or so, and go on an earring spree. My roommate offered to buy me hoops, but I'm not a hoops girl like she is, so I politely declined.

I've become quiet, calm, and collected these past few days, and haven't given the slightest fuck about anything. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm still positive that something good will benefit from all of this hoopla in my life right now.

I have so many drafted posts that I haven't had the energy to finish, like my rant on sex, and my Lollapalooza Pt. 2 posts. Oops.

Dem feels.

Over this past year, I have kept many personal things bottled up. I keep them bottled up because I don't like confrontation. I don't like confrontation because when people say things to me that are stupid, I get very upset.  I get upset because I think that the person I'm speaking to is thinking that I'm stupid, which I am definitely not. I don't like getting upset because I'm a Taurus, and when we get mad, we stay mad.

Well, today, I couldn't handle it anymore, and let out some things that have been kept inside my mind for so long. I mean, I let them out occasionally, like small references, or I practice what I'm going to say in the car when I'm driving alone. If you ever see me driving alone and talking to myself, you know why.

In reality, I only let out the parts that weren't hurtful to the person I was talking to. I could tell she felt bad, and it made the situation better simply because I had mentioned it. Sometimes it's hard to decide when to let out these feels you have, and where, and even why. Is it even worth it? I mean, will something horrible be the outcome? I decided that I didn't care what the outcome was, because it was making me so upset, even though it shouldn't.

So, the lessoned learned here is, be truthful, and not hateful, so that your mind will be at ease for a while, while humbling someone else's.

Geez that sounds totally lame, but whatever.

(annoyances)

I think that the end of the semester projects are taking a toll on me, and my level to see things that annoys me has heightened.

Here's some things that just push my buttons:

1. If you think you are better than anyone, especially me. What have I done in my little life to make you feel so bitter towards me in any way? I'm just trying to live a happy life, and I'm done trying to be compared to people. I'm just going to be myself, and not even be phased by anyone. I try my best to not be a basic bitch, so really, cut me some slack.
2. When people text "K". I won't respond to that, nope. If you don't want to talk to me, then don't even respond, because it simply amazes me how immature people can be that they have to send the "K" when I know you're probably complaining to someone else about the previous text you got earlier. Grow up, por favor.
3. People who get cranky because they aren't "full" and only "satisfied". Think about it this way, you being satisfied is probably more than any child in some third world country could even imagine. Yep, that's right, I'm pulling out the kids in Africa card. Don't be a gluttonous bastard at every single meal, and be thankful for what you have.
4. Why even stress anymore. I'm not going to lie, I stress out quite a bit, over school, work, what my roommates are plotting against me, etc. But, what's the point? I mean, I'm trying to not tell people that I am stressed and why, because really, what is the point? Because if you think about it, everyone, no matter how they act or say, has some sort of stress, whether it be about school, a boy, what to wear, where to work, or even a child who stresses what color the sky on their coloring sheet should be. I mean, do you ever have a conversation, where someone complains to you and then you're like "Oh my goodness, your stress is SO much more than my stress, I feel for you I really do. I have never heard of stress like that before." No, you probably haven't. In my experience, when someone complains about stress, the other person is usually like "oh." or they continue to go on about their stress, and try to one up the other's stress. Stress shouldn't be a competition. At all.
5. People who try so damn hard to be a hipster, a hippie, or a vintage bitch. I mean, I do listen to some indie stuff, dress in certain ways, but I don't parade around like I'm better than anyone else. I just happen to enjoy similar things. I don't look down on people who dress like their going to a club (unless it's just really inappropriate in a bad setting), read fantasy novels instead of John Green and Sylvia Plath. I don't think that my wedding will be better than yours, because one will be "vintage" and the other "classic" I just don't. We all have our struggles, and each of us are different. Why do we have to be hateful over everything. It annoys the shit out of me, really.
6. Last, but not least, couples that mask their issues with love. By this, I mean that people pretend to be happy, when they aren't. I know at least 7 couples that I simply adore. I really do, but they keep pretending that they are superior, and that they are so in love. But i'm not stupid, in fact, I should be one of the cleverest (is that even a word) people you know. I'm very observant, and even if your eyebrow moves in a certain way, I can tell your mood change. Anyways. Couples who flaunt their perfection on Facebook, Twitter, etc. really annoy me. Like why are there photos of you making out in his room? I mean, you obvs planned it. I don't even think about taking photos together when I'm with my boyfriend. I don't. Only if it's some place cool, like a museum or something. Every couple in the world has issues, I know I kind of do, and my parents did, and all my managers at work do. So there's no need for everyone to think you're the cutest around town. Because this isn't senior year of high school where people vote for you for the superlatives. It's just life, so please enjoy yourself.

Also, this is small and doesn't really deserve a number, but what is soft grunge, and what makes it soft? People on the internet astound me with what they can make popular.