Kind souls.

Tomorrow I have to work for someone at work because she has strep. Lovely. I usually enjoy my Thursday afternoons off, by doing homework, getting ahead, and taking a long, nice shower. But, I can't be selfish, and I need the money, so I can pay off this car. (And buy books.)

I know it will be worth it next payday, when I have 35 hours on it, as opposed to 15, but they don't even pay me that much higher than minimum wage, and their checks have been bouncing off the walls lately, so I'm kind of indifferent. Usually, I'm a very hard worker. I still am, but I've slacked. I bring homework, and my kindle, and I just do my thing. I stop about an hour and half before closing, so I can actually do my shit, but I like to feel like I'm somewhat rebellious.

I'm actually really excited for this weekend, because I get to sleep in on a Saturday. A WEEKEND! I mean, I work the next day, which blows, but eh. I'm going to soak up as much time as I can enjoying this blissful weekend. I'm going to get a lot done, and I'm going to have a good time.

I've been told lately that I'm not so kind, when it comes down to it. Let's be honest, the girl who told me isn't an angel either, and she probably is my bad influence. And telling my boyfriend no isn't mean, it's keeping him in line. I would really enjoy it if people would stop comparing me and my boyfriend to their relationship, but it is what it is. So, I'm trying to be kinder. When someone in class says a stupid comment, I laugh to myself, write it down for later references, and that's it. I don't wonder what his or her everyday life is and what she probably does and doesn't think.

I'm also trying to eat healthier, mainly because I feel like I'm surrounding by people who are constantly sick. The flu, strep, you name it. And not just class and work, like people I hang out with on the regular, people I LIVE with. I've been trying to boost my immune system and drinking Emergen-C's (Which are so freaking nasty bleh) because of course my throat was getting sore, so I ate healthy all day, and did home remedies, and now I'm fine. I cannot afford to get sick. If you are sick, please stay away from me. just because your doctor says you are only contagious for 24 hours doesn't mean on the 25th hour you can hug me and hold on to me and kiss my forehead. (She shows her love for everything by touch, she's one of those).

So because of this, my obsession with food starts. No, I'm not going to reject a good burger or whatever, because I'm not changing my diet, I'm just adding things to it. Like blueberries, salad mix that I will actually eat, not just let it rot in my fridge, and potato bread. That bread fascinates me. It doesn't mold as fast as regular bread, it's softer, and it contains whole wheat flour, not just wheat flour. I also bought lots of cheese, because I really put that on almost anything I eat. I also bought expensive juice, like naked juice and bolthouse farms juice. I am going to drink a small glass of the protien one in the morning, and one small glass during the day. This is only because my pretentious biology teacher is a health freak, and through science and powerpoints pretty much explained that you need protien in the morning to fully function to "your full potential" I thought it was bullshit, but one day I actually had eggs and I did fantastic that day in all my classes, and I wasn't nodding my head to sleep, like I usually do. But I don't have time to cook breakfast every morning, and I don't want to eat usually. So a class of juice will suffice. If it actually works, I will continue.

I've also realized today that my writing has not been up to par. I've been so unhappy with 2013, and it has just been bringing me down. I promise I will post my lolla part 2 post and my sex post, I literally get writer's block and it kills me.

cereal killahs

No matter how many books I read, no matter how much I say I love them, books about serial killers will forever always be my favorite. It makes me realize that I am truly in the right major, since I love it so much.

My favorite book is In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote. It is one of my favorites, because it is based on very true events, and that the perspectives change from the victim to the killers. This may seem like nothing special, but think about it. How could Capote portray the feelings, the emotions of the event, especially from the victim's point of view? They are dead, and he wrote this after the case, obviously. Same with the killers. He wasn't in the van with them, or in the house when they had the dialogues. and once they were dead, he couldn't really talk to them either. However, he seemed to have done his research and truly encompass the story. For that, it is my favorite.

My favorite case is the case of JonBenet Ramsey. I remember this case when I was a child. A girl, who was really pretty, a little older than me, in makeup? That blew my mind. My mom would always watch the news and talk about how this really pretty little girl, who was famous for some reason died. Later, I would do my own research to find out it was a vintage case of Toddlers and Tiaras gone wrong. No, she didn't get her own TV show with a redneck family, who happens to be strangely sweet, caring, and funny. She ended up dead in her basement, and the case is unsolved today. It could be the parents, it could be an intruder, blah blah blah. To this day, it is still unsolved. There isn't sufficient proof to convict anyone, but to me, the signs, and evidence point to the parents. The letter, the change of handwriting, the insurance money, the fact that the parents acted so strangely when she was "missing". I will forever think that to be my favorite unsolved case that I have learned about so far. Even though it is really sad.

I am currently reading Helter Skelter, a book about Charles Manson, one of the most famous killers on earth. I must have a pretty fucked up mind if I think that reading about how blood on the walls is more interesting than some love story. ( I tried reading Safe Haven, and couldn't. I have to be in a mushy mood. It was just too much for me.)

Rory's List.

I'm going to embark on a journey. A reading challenge, if you will. Aside from my other books that I want to read, I'm going to read until everything on this list has been read, strikethrough-d?, and appreciated. 

I'm going to look online first for a cheap version. If it has an awesome cover, sold. If it has an average cover, to the kindle it is. (I splurged and bought one because I accomplished 2 weeks worth of homework in 2 classes in 2 hours. Rewarded.)

Rory Gilmore's Reading List

1984 by George Orwell
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
Archidamian War by Donald Kagan
The Art of Fiction by Henry James
The Art of War by Sun Tzu
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy
The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Babe by Dick King-Smith
Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Beowulf: A New Verse Translation by Seamus Heaney
The Bhagava Gita
The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy
Bitch in Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel
A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Brick Lane by Monica Ali
Bridgadoon by Alan Jay Lerner
Candide by Voltaire
The Canterbury Tales by Chaucer
Carrie by Stephen King
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White
The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman
Christine by Stephen King
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse
The Collected Short Stories by Eudora Welty
The Collected Stories of Eudora Welty by Eudora Welty
A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare
Complete Novels by Dawn Powell
The Complete Poems by Anne Sexton
Complete Stories by Dorothy Parker
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas père
Cousin Bette by Honor’e de Balzac
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber
The Crucible by Arthur Miller
Cujo by Stephen King
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Daisy Miller by Henry James
Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende
David and Lisa by Dr Theodore Issac Rubin M.D
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The Da Vinci -Code by Dan Brown
Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol
Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Deenie by Judy Blume
The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson
The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars and Nikki Sixx
The Divine Comedy by Dante
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
Don Quijote by Cervantes
Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv
Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe
Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn
Eloise by Kay Thompson
Emily the Strange by Roger Reger
Emma by Jane Austen
Empire Falls by Richard Russo
Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
Ethics by Spinoza
Europe through the Back Door, 2003 by Rick Steves
Eva Luna by Isabel Allende
Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Extravagance by Gary Krist
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore
The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan
Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
The Fellowship of the Ring: Book 1 of The Lord of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien
Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce
Fletch by Gregory McDonald
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Franny and Zooey by J. D. Salinger
Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers
Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut
Gender Trouble by Judith Butler
George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg
Gidget by Fredrick Kohner
Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen
The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels
The Godfather: Book 1 by Mario Puzo
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford
The Gospel According to Judy Bloom
The Graduate by Charles Webb
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Group by Mary McCarthy
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J. K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J. K. Rowling 
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry
Henry IV, part I by William Shakespeare
Henry IV, part II by William Shakespeare
Henry V by William Shakespeare
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris
The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton
House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III (Lpr)
The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende
How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
How the Light Gets in by M. J. Hyland
Howl by Allen Gingsburg
The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
The Iliad by Homer
I’m with the Band by Pamela des Barres
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee
Iron Weed by William J. Kennedy
It Takes a Village by Hillary Clinton
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare
The Jumping Frog by Mark Twain
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito
The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Lady Chatterleys’ Lover by D. H. Lawrence
The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 by Gore Vidal
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield
Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis
Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens
The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway
The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Love Story by Erich Segal
Macbeth by William Shakespeare 
Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
The Manticore by Robertson Davies
Marathon Man by William Goldman
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir
Memoirs of General W. T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer
Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H. R. Mencken
The Merry Wives of Windsro by William Shakespeare
The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
The Miracle Worker by William Gibson
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
The Mojo Collection: The Ultimate Music Companion by Jim Irvin
Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor
A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman
Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret
A Month Of Sundays: Searching For The Spirit And My Sister by Julie Mars
A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall
My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and It’s Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh
My Life as Author and Editor by H. R. Mencken
My Life in Orange: Growing Up with the Guru by Tim Guest
My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult
The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin
Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen
New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson
The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay
Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich
Night by Elie Wiesel
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism by William E. Cain, Laurie A. Finke, Barbara E. Johnson, John P. McGowan
Novels 1930-1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to be Born by Dawn Powell
Notes of a Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Old School by Tobias Wolff
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Opposite of Fate: Memories of a Writing Life by Amy Tan
Oracle Night by Paul Auster
Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood
Othello by Shakespeare
Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens
The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan
Out of Africa by Isac Dineson
The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton
A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Peyton Place by Grace Metalious
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington
Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi
Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby – read
The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
The Portable Nietzche by Fredrich Nietzche
The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Property by Valerie Martin
Pushkin: A Biography by T. J. Binyon
Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw
Quattrocento by James Mckean
A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall
Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers
The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe
The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham
Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories From a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman
The Return of the King: The Lord of the Rings Book 3 by J. R. R. Tolkien
R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton
Rita Hayworth by Stephen King
Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert
Roman Fever by Edith Wharton
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf
A Room with a View by E. M. Forster
Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin
Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi
Sanctuary by William Faulkner
Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford
The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand
The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman
Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913-1965 by Dawn Powell
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
A Separate Peace by John Knowles
Several Biographies of Winston Churchill
Sexus by Henry Miller
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Shane by Jack Shaefer
The Shining by Stephen King
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton
Slaughter-house Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Small Island by Andrea Levy
Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway
Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers
Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore
The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht
Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos by Julia de Burgos
The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker
Songbook by Nick Hornby
The Sonnets by William Shakespeare
Sonnets from the Portuegese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach
The Story of My Life by Helen Keller
A Streetcar Named Desiree by Tennessee Williams
Stuart Little by E. B. White
Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust
Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett
Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Term of Endearment by Larry McMurtry
Time and Again by Jack Finney
The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Tragedy of Richard III by William Shakespeare
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
The Trial by Franz Kafka
The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson
Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
Ulysses by James Joyce
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1950-1962 by Sylvia Plath
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe – started and not finished
Unless by Carol Shields
Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers
Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray
Velvet Underground’s The Velvet Underground and Nico (Thirty Three and a Third series) by Joe Harvard
The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
We Owe You Nothing – Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews edited by Daniel Sinker
What Colour is Your Parachute? 2005 by Richard Nelson Bolles
What Happened to Baby Jane by Henry Farrell
When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka
Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire
The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

Today, I can't help but be thankful that January is almost over. Not once was I stress-free this month, not at all. But, things are looking up. I got a car, that works, except now I'm 4000 dollars in debt, so that's no fun, but what is being a college student without living that poor life.

Now, i'm trying to do homework, and I can't concentrate. It's probably because I'm not at my house, I hear Phineas and Ferb in the background, and my boyfriend is legit singing to himself, in spanish. He's so weird.

I'm so sick of winter weather, clothes, etc. I love my boots, so slightly chilly is okay, but I'm sick of wearing my big ass ratchet winter coat everywhere. I want to wear multiple thin layers, not thick sweaters. I'm over my scarves. I'm over seeing Uggs everywhere and playing the Ugg game. (The game is that if you see real legit uggs, you punch the other person playing, and keep score. The mall is the best arena.)

I plan on getting ahead in school, being super frugal with my money, and waiting for the school year to be over so that I can go shopping again. Speaking of shopping, I won my job's version of employee of the month. It's weird to think that being sarcastic and not talking to anyone equals great work ethic, but I honestly think it's because everyone else is super lazy, and that they could feel me wanting to quit. They do know how to reel me back in, but I never shop there anyways, so i'm sure that money will last me a long time.

I also got a little more of my refund back, and I want to buy a kindle. I want to add to my book collection, and have another for my kindle. I want to read magazines on it too. I don't know why, but I really want one. It's strange for me to want materialistic things.

Anyways, enough about what I want, because once I start, I start to get selfish, and that's not a way to live.

rantrantrant

Today, I had planned to go pay my bills, do most of my homework, run errands, clean out my car, and go get some groceries, all after work.

Well, what happened? After work, I drove 5 minutes away to pay my internet bill, and when I got back to my car, it wouldn't start. AGAIN. I'm so sick of this.

First, my car has a hole, then my first solution is to get it fixed. Well the lazy ass people didn't call me so now my hole is BIGGER. Then I say, fuck it, give me the money. The money still isn't here yet. WHY.

Then, I say, I'm going to get a new car. Then what happens? oh yeah, BOTH my jobs cut my hours by 60%. So basically I'm making lunch money. Lovely.

So now, my car is still at the internet place, and I didn't park too well thinking that I would be out of there in a jiffy. It's full of my purge to go to Goodwill. I might have to take the car my friend was driving, since she goes back to her school on Monday. Which is cool I guess, I get a newer car. But, then I will owe her family all this money I don't have. Also her car is longer than mine, and bigger and I'm scared I'm going to crash it or hit something. I feel like I'm driving a semi, even though it's not even that much bigger.

If I don't take that car, her dad won't sell me another, because he doesn't want to give me a shitty car, which is understandable. But then I will be carless and who wants to pick up someone to take to work at 6 am? no one. I will also have to walk to school, and blah blah blah. Living life like I was in high school again. Walking everywhere, bumming rides, while everyone else has a car and a license.

The peachy part is this: I told my parents, and they could care less. My dad just stated that I should probably get a new car. Well no shit, father, thank you.  Thank you for your kind words, your ancient wisdom, and high education. You bought me this little thing, with broken lights and a broken windshield, and I paid to get it repaired so I get take the driving test, at 18, since I wasn't allowed/couldn't afford it at 16, already, so thank you for your help - goodbye. Haven't talked to him since. It's been 19 days. Unphased.

My mother, my sweet, sweet mother. She did what she always does. Stress me out, and turn the attention on her. She made me repeat the story three times, got mad, and then said that she is getting a loan from the bank so she can get a newer car. Thanks mom for helpin a girl out, like really. She doesn't even care what happens, and because she knows that without a car, I can't go anywhere, which is what she likes. She'd prefer me to be carless and walk everywhere, just so I will probably stay at home. Whatever.

So I go home to my unclean room, filled with my unclean homework. I go take a shower and my lazy roommate takes one too, so I get an ice cold shower. I didn't even finish. I just jumped out.

This has been the worst/best day ever and I'm so annoyed. Today was supposed to be so productive, and I got nothing done, and not even by procrastinating.

Yeah I slip, I'm still an animal.

There was a time when my world was filled with darkness

then I stopped dreaming

now I'm supposed to fill it up with something

I feel like this year so far has completely sucked, and that nothing is going right at all. Only one person makes me feel better, but I can only see him two days a week. I'm super stressed about my car, it's fucking hole in it, the engine not starting, and the fact that I need to buy a new car within the next week, and my parents aren't wiling to help me. My friends don't believe that I don't have money, which is annoying, since their families have money. I also need a reliable car to get to work, at 6 in the fucking a.m., school, and I need to desperately start applying for internships for my dual degree. Everyone wants me to visit them in some state far away that costs money. I am broke as a joke. I'm sick of my lackluster jobs. I just want money for books to fill my book shelf, and a car that functions. I'm trying my best to keep up with friends, when honestly, I just want to be alone.

I go to seek a great perhaps.

"Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and i was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."

-John Green

Purge.

for the next two days, I'm off of work. I got my school shiz figured out, so those days are mine. Although I'm upset because my best friend constantly laughs at my relationship because it's "cheesy", which is hilarious because she is obviously blind to what her relationship is, I'm going to start my four day purge, and give no fucks about what anyone says about me or someone I care about, ever.

By purge, I mean the following:

• clothes
• shoes
• old notebooks
• everything inside my desk
• people
• food in the pantry, and fridge
• computer memory
• phone memory
• trash
• unused items

why go through all of this? Well it's simple. I want a simple life, I want to not have anything, yet have everything I've ever wanted. I already do. I have all the materialistic things I could want, within reason, good people in my life, and good health. But, I have too much shit. I can't wait to go through this major purge, so I can start this year a new. I'm on a resolution high, since I painted my room, and already finished a book (My minimum is 12 a year.) I also want to eat healthy for a week, to do a mini detox, and to boost my immune system. Only a week though, because I have this awesome coupon for Smashburger. Also, if my life and room are more organized, with this important semester coming up, I can focus completely on school, without all these distractions. I'm also going to set up payment plans, to myself, so that I can get a new car, which is also a resolution of mine. I know it's a little late to be preparing for such things, but I'm so busy these days, and life has been extra weird and unique to me, that instead of doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm re telling a story to someone about something stupid, like how that guy with the nachos was trying to talk to us at that bar, while I fell asleep (that's for another post, another day).

(infatuation)

It's 1 a.m., and I'm eating my red velvet cookie from Panera. Today, a friend, who is only taking two classes here after living in New York for like 6 or whatever decided to hang out with me today. I helped her get her school ID, and helped her enroll, parking, etc. We share one main thing in common, another friend who we both hold so closely to our hearts. Okay, but while spending the afternoon with her, epiphanies about relationships came about. Also that we both hate people.

Okay, so I don't have real experience with this, or any statistics to back this up, but this is just from what I've observed.

• People (females) who have sex during the honeymoon, or infatuation stage, are more than likely to stay in that stage than a normal amount of time. I feel like this contributes to girls being more heartbroken for whatever reason in the end; they are just behind the other counterpart in the cycle.
• If you start lowering your standards, just to be with someone, and you don't realize it: no bueno.
• If you have to schedule your friends around your fucking menstruation cycle so you can have an excuse to not have sex, while seeing a friend, not only are you crazy, you are a horndog. (like really can I not see you when you are not a bitch?)
• If you are serious about a relationship, then you shouldn't have to lie about anything pertaining that relationship to anyone. (unless it's a good surprise, like birthdays or whatever.)
• If you are questioning if something is wrong, it probably is.
• Sleeping with an emotionally unstable man does no favors to anyone.
• If you spend your days sulking, whining, and complaining about the relationship, you are probably going to be in the infatuation stage for a while.

Okay I know that most of that didn't really make sense, but most of the people I associate with these days are actually crazy. Do people even hear themselves when they speak? Do people not know how to take their own dirt? These days, apparently not.

year in review thus far

2013 has really been quite an adventure for me so far, and it's only been one week. Let's just recap of what has happened.

• Jan 1: Worked at 7 am, played a 3 hour game of Monopoly with my mother, for her birthday, got cleverly kidnapped to the other college town by my friends, snuck into a place I shouldn't be in, and pretty much had an episode, that could equal public embarassment.
• Jan 2: Worked at 7 am, after my episode the night before, went to a friend's house to watch a movie, and her mother backed into my car, which now looks more ratchet, since there is a hole on the side now.
• Jan 3: Worked at 7 am, couldn't get an estimate on my car, but I had a Which Wich Oreo shake. Watched the Time Traveler's Wife and got confused. (this day wasn't so eventful).
• Jan 4: Worked both jobs, and was pleasantly surprised by my boyfriend, so I wouldn't have to be alone in the most boring white walls known to man. I also got caught up on American Horror Story.
• Jan 5: Painted my room part 1
• Jan 6: Finished painting my room. Beautiful dinner, with one of the most beautiful people that I know.
• Jan 7: Work at 4:45, napped, finished The Fault in Our Stars
• That book is so wonderful, even though it makes me want to sit and cry because I can't even imagine keeping myself together if the person I so deeply loved had the life of Augustus Waters. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.

I guess that's about it. I mean this beats last year, where all I did was work, and get lonely, but still. I've accomplished one resolution: Painting my room. I've also finished a book, so on to the next one. I plan on reading Looking For Alaska. John Green, you are becoming one of my favorite authors.