Inner peace.

I'm trying this new thing, where I am trying to be a "nicer" person, and find my inner peace, so that I can find a balance in being happy with myself, and with others. I seem to expect so much out of everyone, my family, co-workers, friends, boyfriend, and yes, even my pets. It's not healthy. I come up with scheming plans when I'm driving, because I just think everyone is stupid. But then I realized, it was me the whole time.

I would get so angry and upset for no reason, and it would follow me for a week. Now, I can peacefully live each day. I've decided that I will talk to no one at work, unless it is work related, important, and only if they speak to me first. I only like about 5 people who work there, and I don't really work with them that often. So far, it's worked, because I don't find myself annoyed with them so much, as I just see them as droning bots doing the same thing I'm doing there: surviving for that paycheck.

I feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis, if you will. I want to change everything. My hair, my clothes, my habits, my everything. I am coming to terms that I am graduating soon, I have to start my internships soon, and that I'm not completely ready. I miss those naive days, where I had one job, and one job only - go to school. I had the same routine everyday. I didn't have to plan things out. I also won't know what to do for graduate school. I'm thinking way ahead, since I'm only a month in my 6th semester in college. I know I am having a crisis, since I know my "family", friends, boyfriend, and even co-workers have been tolerable to amazing lately. I just can't put my finger on what it is, because I find myself wanting to go outside, and scream my lungs out, like everything in my world is falling apart, when it's not. I'm less stressed money wise, since I've become accustomed to the poor life, and I'm caught up in school, even thought my test grades aren't too hot. I still find myself wishing I could sleep for days, and not caring what I would miss.


So, I've started doing things that used to make me happy.

Writing. Drawing. Reading. Playing/listening to music. shopping. Drinking tea.

Needless to say, it has helped. I've become more positive over time, and more grateful for everything that has happened to me thus far. Everything happens for a reason. I may not know the reason as to why my first two months of this year have been quite rough for me, but I know that in the future, these events will somehow prepare me for a bigger event in the future.

I think that finding my inner peace and staying positive is phase one in my "become a kinder person - but keep my sarcasm" adventure.

Phase 2 is to become active, by doing yoga, and exercises, so that I can actually get hired by a law enforcement agency of my choice one day.