March wants.

1.

2.

3.

1. A ticket stub diary to hold my precious memories, instead of them being scattered all over my room.

2. Everything in this photo, but it is only advertising the rack. 2 months and sweet tunes will be flying out of my room.

3. A minimalist poster of Star Wars, because the decorating of my room is on it's way to being full fledge. 

(The first two are from UO.com and the third is from society6.com)

Moving forward.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being surrounded by people I didn't know at a "party" event for someone who hates his birthday. I was also surrrounded by girls who even though they were little and annoying,  could easily kick my ass because they are enlisted in the army. I only liked a few of the people there, and just sat in the corner and observed and watched people. I didn't drink, because 

1. I don't know these people.

2. Not really into keystone (the people were like 18-19 but the straight edge - this is my first party- type.)

3. I was eating cookie cake.

4. I was driving, so duh, I'm not drinking.

Even though it was kind of awkward, a little boring, and a little weird, I got to meet some people, and observed others. It was a good night. Now, I need to focus hardcore on school, because I refuse to fail round 2 of my tests. I am going to do well meaning an A or a B on all four of my midterms so I can reward myself with more etsy finds and a stitchfix. I've been meaning to schedule one, but money is tight these days. I'm also very pleased that I have been able to wear shorts with tights for three days now, with not wearing my big ugly coat. 

In the midst of school, work, etc. I find myself letting things go easier. A little, because I'm a Taurus, and that part will never leave me, but I'm not mad at my roommate for pointless things she did to annoy me a while ago. I've moved on.

Princess of China.

At work, there has been this song playing constantly, and it gets in my head so easily. Upon further investigation, I realized it was Princess of China by Coldplay and Rihanna. I watched the music video, and was confused, a little creeped out, and a little offended.

Okay, princess warrior of China, that's cool. Having no asians what so ever in the video, eh not so much. Also for being a princess of China, Rihanna totes is combining japanese, korean, and hinduism culture, with traces of chinese culture. I'm also confused as to what the whole video is even about. Kinda ruins the song for me, especially since I'm not really a Coldplay or Rihanna fan in the first place. But anyways.

I've been researching Crowley turntables, and Audio Technica models as well. I want one. I'll go halfsies with my best friend's boyfriend for her birthday, but I want one for myself too. That's the problem with gifts. I always give away what I want. But maybe for my birthday, someone will get one for me too? or go halfsies? That's just been on my mind lately.

I've also found a (good) recipe blog, and I can't wait to try some out. My life has been tasting a little lack luster. I mean you can only go so far with Cheerios and hummus, and guac.

I'm also annoyed with people and their respected significant others. I mean, does it not get boring to see them everyday? I mean, save that for marriage. Now, enjoy the moment. If you constantly see your S/O all the time, you're bound to lose friends, and annoy people in the process. Balance is key people, balance is key. I'm only annoyed because my car is rendered undriveable until the night, since my stupidy has struck again, I haven't gotten my tag for my car registered. It's been exactly a month from yesterday. Le sigh. I'll get it fixed tomorrow, if I don't get snowed in somewhere. Anyways, so I haven't left my boyfriend's apartment since we are being cautious, and because his brother sees his girlfriend literally 9 hours a day. In a row. Every. Day. It's just a little irritating. Last time I got snowed in, I discovered some music, and started imagining if I was a chinese princess warrior, and how bad ass I would be.

Thus bringing us full circle.

(relax)

Here are some things from UO that I am going to buy because I just really feel the need for retail therapy. It's just been that long period of time, where If I don't buy clothes, I'm going to snap. I also bought a moto jacket too, but these are the things I'm excited about. Yay for President's Day sales and free shipping. One thing I hate is how easy it is to buy on their website, I don't have to enter my card info or anything. This can go bad if someone got my info, but it's highly unlikely because I make my passwords so cryptic and ridiculous anyways.

I realized that I need to let go of my stresses once in a while. Its like when you hold a glass of water. It's not heavy, unless you have Spongebob arms, but the longer you hold something, it makes your arm tired, and it just feels heavy. I feel the same way about stress. The longer I dwell on it, stay up late thinking about it, it just gets worse and worse. I realized that today when I was writing down my weekly to-do list. So I stopped, bought some peace tea, and I'm going to drink it to the point where I'm going to have to leave class to pee. But anyway, the feeling of not being stressed is fantastic. Although I have lots to do, I feel confident I will finish it all in a timely manner. If not, then life moves on, and I doubt I will remember that I forgot to write an article review 20 years from now anyways.

Studious.

I'm feeling quite studious. I haven't done anything school related except sit in class for about a week. My mind is turning into mush. I need to think. I need to challenge myself. It's one of the reasons why I like learning. So this weekend I will be playing catch up and get back on track.

I can't wait for this month to be over so the prototype of my little project can be revealed. I'm still unsure if I want to post it here, since I want my anonymity to remain. I don't think my face will be on it, but I know some of my friends, my workplace, and some of my family will be. Maybe next month it will contain none of the above. I've already skipped a few days of this month, but as I've explained, it's a prototype. In all seriousness, I'm just testing out this app I bought. It's just a month long process.

My challenge for all of you today is to really use your brain today. Explore the depths and see just how brilliant you really are.

Kindness.

Today, was my first day of "kindness" This is really my way of controlling my self so that the people around me won't get butthurt. And to teach a few individuals a lesson. I also realized that in order to make people that I would like to be happy, I need to be happy. I need to stop being angry at everyone for every thing. Today has only been day one, but it has been quite the challenge.

1. I went to work an hour earlier, so that I could take my roommate/"best friend's" boyfriend to work with me. I would feel awful that he would have to wake up two hours before hand, and bike to work in the wet, cold atmosphere. So I sacrificed an hour since he has sacrificed many before.

2. The said biker-co-worker-best-friend's-boyfriend also was being forced, by his girlfriend, to go to an event at my university, which is mainly aimed toward females, but males were welcome. I agreed that he wouldn't like it, and frankly, I don't know if I would too. But I agreed to take his place, to spare him, and his view on the main subject.

3. As much as I despise the Hallmark holiday coming up, I decided I would play along and partake, only because my boyfriend really wants to. So, I bought lip stain, agreed to paint my nails another color besides black, and made him a gift. Even if we don't go anywhere this weekend, I know he will be smitten and happy, and that's all that matters.

4. I went to church for the first time in forever, and noticed that they changed the prayers. Oops. It's really been that long. I went so my mother can be at peace with me, and that's always a must. I really listened, and agreed with every word I heard. Someone asked me today what I would give up for Lent. I told them, like the past few years before, nothing. I do something each year to make me a better person as a whole. Last year, was keeping my room, primarily my floor, clean. I am now a cleaner person, but my room still needs a little work. It's a work in progress. This year, I need to stop being hateful. The person who asked me gave me this look, like, "you're cheating." But how can you judge my faith and practices, when you can't relate? I then proceeded to tell her that Lent isn't about giving up sweets, Facebook, etc. It's about repenting, and becoming a better person. If you give up sweets, soda, whatever (which I have done), you always go back. Always. Lent is just another excuse for people to make a goal that they don't achieve. 40 days is nothing. If you make a habit of something to make yourself a better person, then you have fulfilled my definition of Lent. I don't force it on anyone, but that's what I believe. She tried to agree with me, but in her head I know she thinks it's super lame. Then I proceeded to tell her that I only became hateful because of her, and she denied it. Some day people will be able to handle the cold hard truth. She also found out that even if her Facebook is deactivated, I can still block her. She used to only reactivate it to laugh at how "gay" my boyfriend and I are. This made me upset, because we dont' do anything on Facebook, he is just a cheeseball sometimes and I just like his posts for his sanity. We work together tomorrow, so God so help me with my patience and my sassy mouth.

5. We had to take an online test today for one of my classes. I haven't taken/submitted mine yet, but I helped my other roommate with hers, since she misses classes a lot, just because. She frustrated me to no end, but I stayed patient with her through the end. Longest hour and 15 minutes of my life. But I know it made her happy nevertheless.

And so, I will kill all my haters with kindness, and continue on my journey to find my inner peace. It's about time I start to think about myself first, instead of being at the feet of others, waiting for my next command. I call my first official day a success, considering the broiling thoughts that were going on in my head.

And so the book fell in love with the reader.

Can you imagine if there was a book that in the end, the main character fell in love with the reader?

It's just a thought I had (I'm not the only person with the thought but I was thinking about it today). There could be two completely stories made, one for a male, and the other female. The whole book would progress, and like every other good book, the reader will start to fall in love with the character, something sad or tragic will happen, and the feels will start to expose themselves. I just think it would be something awesome, for a few reasons.

1. It makes the reader want to read the book again, or whatever.

2. It would be an amazing plot twist that wouldn't be revealed until you read the book.

3. Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the main character would not be described in the book, only spoken of, through first person. This could give the reader the freedom to imagine what they think would be best fitting for the character, and it would be different than anyone else.

I mean, can you even imagine? What if?

_________________________________________________________________________________

And as I looked around me, I noticed that it was all gone. Everything. I had completed my journey, but at what cost? I look up at the sky and see rain drops fall, blurring everything around me, it had been the same sky as it has always been, but it was different, with the glooming clouds wandering over me. It was then I had realized why my journey had ended the way it did.

"There are no more chapters. You said it yourself - we are getting so close, and that was some time ago."

You begin to ask me something. Inside, you're wondering what is happening, right now, in this moment. Can it even be possible? I had been asking myself the same thing too, but I think I always knew.

"Don't ask me how I know, because I don't really know either. But this is how it's supposed to end right? Soon, I'll snowball further down and down, until I hit the back cover. But you always knew that."

I felt the need to sit down, and I sit on the pine oak bench under the tree, with it's fall leaves blooming. Was that there before? I can't remember. Soon it starts to snow, but I hear thunder rolling, and muffled noises. It wasn't regular thunder, it's you. What are you trying to say to me? You sound sad, confused, and conflicted. 

"I'm so sorry. I really am. I had no idea what was going to happen. This has never happened to me before. I'm not really sure what happens when you close the book. Do I stay here, under this tree? Forever? I look up for answers, and snow starts falling, along with the salted rain, but it's not cold where I am, and I'm not getting wet. I just see my world crumple and blur, from your tears. I re think everything, from page one. All the signs had been clear to me now. Then it hits me. The solution.

"That's it. You can go back. If you restart the book, I'll be okay, and so will everyone else. I won't be forced to stay here, on this last page, in the purgatory of the spine and the back cover. The words won't change, I won't change. I can see you all over again, and you can see me."

After some time, the thunder stops, I look at the glooming clouds, and they start to clear up. I take a few steps back, and see you. For the very first time. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want to tell you that everything is okay. You seem to know that too, since I see you smile, and for a brief moment, I could imagine what it's like to hold your hand for the very first time. 

"It's okay, you can do it. It's for the best."

And so, for the first time, since my journey has ended, yours has begun. You have to be the hero, and close the book. This way, we can both keep going. I can hear your voice, more clearly than ever, as I wait in the darkness. 

"I'll come back" you say. That was all I needed to hear.

The end.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Wouldn't that be so creepy yet cool? I mean I'm not a writer, so that is probably crap. I'm just tired, and I needed something to do. It's probably a lame idea, but I think it would be interesting.